The Omniscient Onion

I am sure all of you have heard about -- and shaken your head in wonder at -- Gillette's new "Fusion Razor," with FIVE, count 'em, FIVE blades.

Well, if you had been a regular reader of The Onion (America's Finest News Source), you would not have been surprised, becuase you would have read this, from two years ago: "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades."

Given the Onion's obvious perspecacity, we should probabaly take serioulsy two reports that appear, respectively, in last week's and this week's editions: "President Creates Cabinet-Level Position To Coordinate Scandals" and "White House Debuts Iraq War Infomercial."

Now if only we can get them to start writing about stock prices!